Learning to trust yourself is a scary prospect. Especially as a new mother. Trusting yourself to make a good decision and committing to your decisions means that ultimately you are solely responsible for the results. There were so many moments as a new mother I was frozen in paralyzing indecision, confused and overwhelmed. All the experts I consulted or read were saying conflicting things and I really, really didn’t want to mess this up.
First things first: You’re going to have screw ups
Have you had those moments? Moments where you keep asking yourself, “What if I’m doing this wrong?” There is a very real, ongoing fear among new mothers that we are “F”ing things up.
I’ll be completely honest here. You are going to F things up once in a while. I did. I still do. It is impossible to do something perfectly when you are completely brand new. If you have never snowboarded in your life would you expect to get up on the mountain and tackle the steepest hill possible and not fall down? Of course not! it would be ridiculous to expect this of yourself! In this journey of motherhood, you’re gonna’ take some crashes, and just like learning to snowboard, that is part of the process.
Finding wisdom in the screw ups
What I really, really want to help you discover is that you are wise and capable even in those moments of not knowing. Even when you’ve done something that went wrong or was a mistake. Making a mistake, taking that proverbial fall, can actually be the best instigator for your wisdom to actually show itself. What happens after you fall down while learning to snow board? You stand up and try it again.
What happens after something goes wrong with your mothering? Do you spring into action to fix it or change it? Yes? Of course you do! That quick action comes from your source of wisdom.
There are times I hate admitting to. Times I’ve been sharp and angry at Arthur for things that are not his fault. Immediately, I know I have “fd” up that moment in parenting and I take a moment to apologize to him. I tell him I’m sorry, ask him to forgive me and try again. My ability to live up to my own values is my wisdom manifesting itself.
Building trust in your wisdom
Learning to trust yourself takes practice. Below are a few ideas on how you can start practicing trust.
- Every day meditate for 2 to 5 minutes a day. Meditation calms your mind which helps you to make good decisions.
- Close your eyes and imagine you are talking to a very wise person. Ask this person a question about something you’re struggling with. Listen for the answer and follow the wise person’s advice as closely as you can (hint: no matter who you picture, that wise person is actually you! Sometimes we need to have the answer delivered to us from “someone else.”)
- Write down things you are proud of. Write down your parenting successes, no matter how small they are! Re-read them regularly or when you’re feeling unsure.
- Write down the lessons you learn every time you “fall”. Pay attention to how much you grow as a person through this process.
- Celebrate! Celebrate yourself when you are proud. You deserve it.
Now it’s your turn. In the comment section, tell me, how have you learned to trust yourself? What mothering wins are you celebrating?
Lesley specializes in coaching new moms. She believes deeply and passionately that every mother already has and already IS exactly what she needs to be to mother her baby with confidence and joy. With 16 years working in social work and a Masters in Counseling, Lesley can help you create a more confident, joyful motherhood journey. Her advice has appeared in Thrive Global, Mamapedia, Bustle, and Fit Pregnancy.