One of the biggest turning points for me in my motherhood journey has been learning how to trust myself. While I still have huge moments of freak out, confusion or doubt, I now feel much more confident and peaceful about decisions I make as a mother.
Two weeks ago I wrote a blog post about trusting yourself even when you screw up. This week I realized that post was a bit pre-mature because first we need to trust ourselves in every day life! This has been a challenge for me to learn as well and it is ongoing. But I have learned a few things that have worked for me and I would like to share them in case they help you.
If you lack confidence in your wisdom, intuition or decision making this post is for you.
Tips for trusting yourself as a woman
Anything your wise, true self desires is to be trusted.
I think we have been served the biggest lie when we are told that you won’t get anywhere without suffering and sacrifice. Mothers especially are victim to the myth that we must continually sacrifice of ourselves to have any chance of having our baby growing into a healthy, decent child. All of this messaging makes us distrust our true desires. It’s time to throw that shit out.
Your wise self will never, ever give you a desire that does not serve the best interest of yourself, your loved ones and the health of the world.
Practice listening for what you truly desire. Not just your wants. You will recognize a true desire when it resonates in your body and makes you feel soooo incredibly good.
True desire usually must be felt first, not thought first.
For me hearing my true desires never comes from my rational brain. It starts like a whisper or an “itch” I can’t quite grasp. It I pay attention to that whisper, slowly it grows into a concept or idea. As I nurture that idea, if the feeling around it is excitement, eagerness or joy I KNOW it’s a true desire and I will be best served to go after it.
Your fear based “rational” brain will usually always freak out at what your wise self wants.
Your logical, masculine part of you is gonna try to protect you by telling you all the reasons you can’t or shouldn’t do or have something. If you can allow yourself to sit through the freak out and listen for the excitement, then you will be on your way to delicious self honoring and joy!!
When in doubt, follow the next thing that feels like joy or happiness to you
Practice listening to yourself by doing what feels like joy or happiness to you right now. If you really just want to sit on the couch and cuddle with baby do that. Or if you want to feel the sun on your skin take baby for a walk or go to a park.
Tips for Trusting yourself as a Mother
Listening for your intuition is hard if you are sleep deprived or lacking nutrition
When your body is compromised so is your mind and your ability to “feel” what’s true. The first thing to do when trusting yourself as a new mother is get support so your body can be as healthy as possible. Ask for and take naps whenever you can. Eat when you want to and choose foods that make you feel good.
Listening for what your body needs is a wonderful practice that will help you listen to your intuition. Start noticing if your body is desiring a drink of water or some luxurious lotion.
Make a choice to believe you are the best mother for your baby
If your body is healthy and rested (mostly. After all when is a mother really rested?!), it’s time to get your powerful mind into play. Let your mind help you, not hurt you. Instead of telling yourself hurtful messages like, “I don’t know what I’m doing” or “I’m a terrible mother” or any other lie, tell yourself, “My baby chose me for a reason. I am a good mother. I am a loving mother. I have what it takes to mother my baby.”
If you have a thought that just won’t go away, pay attention to it.
I see a lot of women brush things off or second guess these kind of thoughts usually to their disadvantage or detriment. Just because the thought doesn’t “make sense” immediately to our rational brain doesn’t mean it is wrong or dangerous. Our intuition is designed to alert us to things that our active, conscious mind can’t pick up or notice. If you have a thought that keeps popping up over and over about your baby, especially if it something that doesn’t seem right, pay attention. Follow up on whatever it is that is bothering you.
Ask for guidance from your higher power, guides or Source.
Feeling connected to a power greater than yours can help you feel more confident in your intuition. Try meditating for even 5 to 10 minutes a day. I have practiced listening to my intuition by using Oracle cards. Pull a card and learn what it symbolizes then apply that message to your life. Whatever comes up for you is the Truth you need in this moment.
Most of all, do not get discouraged! It takes time but as you begin building trust with yourself, life will feel less anxiety provoking and more peaceful. You will start to feel more joy, confidence and excitement and that is a wonderful way to live!
Now, dear mama, what has your journey been like with learning to trust yourself? I would love to hear your story. Or try out my tips and let me know how it goes. I am happy to offer any support I can as you develop this amazing relationship with yourself.
Lesley specializes in coaching new moms. She believes deeply and passionately that every mother already has and already IS exactly what she needs to be to mother her baby with confidence and joy. With 16 years working in social work and a Masters in Counseling, Lesley can help you create a more confident, joyful motherhood journey. Her advice has appeared in Thrive Global, Mamapedia, Bustle, and Fit Pregnancy.