I miss thrift store shopping. I never knew how much the little things would shift in my new identity as mother. I know it sounds a little strange but before Arthur was born, I could swing by a thrift store any time I pleased and take my time browsing for treasures. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy shopping at Anthropologie too but I really love living by the “reduce, reuse, recycle” motto so thrift stores are particularly meaningful and fun.
Now that I have Arthur its much harder to just spontaneously stop at a thrift store. There’s all the logistics of getting him in and out of his carseat, hauling him through the store, trying to juggle all our stuff while I shop or pay for items. The delight of the experience is nearly gone when I attempt to shop with Arthur and shopping without him is hard too because of child care needs.
When we become mothers, our identities shift and change in small ways, like thrift store shopping and not so small ways like becoming a stay at home mom or launching a new career. As we enter into the first few bleary months of sleep deprivation, eat, sleep, poop, start all over, our sense of ourself is shaken. Every single thing about us is affected- our minds do not think the same, our bodies have gown and shrunk, our hormones are fluctuating, our emotions are richer, deeper, more severe, our anxieties are heightened, and often our relationships feel harder. It feels like we have so much more at stake and yet no idea how to proceed.
What’s at stake
It can be very easy to get caught up on “Mom” mode and forget to actively create who we want to be moving forward as a woman who is also a mother. Most women do not stop to think about who it is they want to be in the world. I get it, It takes time, self reflection and attention to purposefully become your new self. These are not things that are easy to come by in a child’s first year of life.
But when we don’t take this time, when we are not intentional about creating who we want to be with our new role, life runs us over. We get lost in identities that are not our own, identify too closely with our children’s success and often feel empty, depressed and numb.
The stakes are high. Very high. Your wellbeing and ability to live your beautiful soul in the world are at stake. So take the time. Be purposeful about stepping back once in a while and asking yourself the deep questions.
Questions to guide your identity creation
What is motherhood calling me into?
What am I learning from my child/being a mother?
Who do I want to be as a mother?
How do I want to feel?
What do I want my child to feel from me?
Who do I want to be outside of motherhood?
How can I share my gifts with the world in the largest way possible?
How can I love to my fullest possible extent?
January is the perfect time of year to be reflecting on these questions. Our quiet reflection in the darkness mirrors the dormancy of the natural world. Make use of this time.
I cannot wait to witness and fiercely support the woman you are becoming.
Share in the comments below, one thing you are learning from motherhood. Or, if you are bold, tell me your vision for who you want to be in the world.
I love this, especially thinking about the small things. When I wasn’t able to commission as a LT in the Army I was crushed; 4 years of work amounting to nothing and I felt like I was no longer doing anything useful. I stayed in that mindset for a looooong time and didn’t bother to identify who I had become. Who we are even with the beautiful title of a mother is important! Thank you for sharing.
You are so welcome Laneic! I honor how you shifted through your experience in the army. You are in a new mindset now!
“Who we are even with the beautiful title of a mother is important.” This is a powerful statement.